I knew I had the feeling I was causing uneasiness to people around me. My habit of killing off weaklings and free loaders is notorious as I demand productivity and blind zeal from my group members in any projects, and in return I will promise them great glory beyond their usual standards. It’s just one of my scary genes that despise anyone or anything that appears weak and pathetic because they will only slow down progress (must be some kind of natural selection thingy hardwired into me). So the siened, pissed and WTFBBQed people are not my concerns as I got the song “One and Only – Timbaland feat. Fall Out Boys” for that. But despite the trail of destruction I left behind for the past 3 years, I just had that feeling, that certain feeling, that something was really amiss. Something new. Then it happened.
“Hisham, are you unhappy with me?”
Finally the person spoke up to me. Despite my cold-siened default expression and my counter-read fortitude (a dark art of marketing that renders one to be able to read other’s expression but at the same time disallow others to read one’s actual expression), the person saw it right through me. The person detected my sienness and rejection. And the person is not even in marketing.
That was how bad I was sienned at the person deep down in the core of my heart. I did not realize it myself until the day the question was asked.
Yes I demanded productivity and blind zeal from my colleagues, but apparently something the person did forced me to amend my stipulations. Now besides productivity and blind zeal, I demand my colleagues to keep their promises. I’ve been living in this world for 21 years and did my part to earn some good karma to forget the evil things men do, but the only thing I won’t tolerate is broken promises. I’ve had enough of people breaking promises, big or small, that I will automatically give them a -50 each time they do it, and the value may vary according to the extent of the thing promised. And the value stacks. Doesn’t matter if they are strangers, close friends, loved ones or brothers-in-arms, I will get so pissed even for the littlest thing they promised but didn’t do. I value each individual’s word to the highest regards even over money and other Earthly materialism. Hence once unfulfilled I’ll always remember it and bring all my resentment caused by all the broken promises with me to fuel the fires of Hell. That is how valuable promises are to me. And this person even assured me with promises from the person’s heart. And the person blew it and forgot about the promise. That’s one big resentment and an automatic damnation from me for the whole semester until the person brought it up.
If you are reading this and have not yet consciously or unconsciously broken any promises with Ham (you’ll know it if you can detect it like the person above), then keep it up. A word not kept will be satisfied with another word not kept and bonus damnation from Hell.
Fortunately everything ended well. The person is my good comrade, and I learn to forgive after the person apologized for forgetting the promise. It was just that simple. Although I did not get what I was promised a semester ago, realizing about the pledge’s negligence and apologizing for it was enough to sooth my soul. I may still invest some hope in humanity and the world where words and honor endure.
“Hisham, are you unhappy with me?”
Finally the person spoke up to me. Despite my cold-siened default expression and my counter-read fortitude (a dark art of marketing that renders one to be able to read other’s expression but at the same time disallow others to read one’s actual expression), the person saw it right through me. The person detected my sienness and rejection. And the person is not even in marketing.
That was how bad I was sienned at the person deep down in the core of my heart. I did not realize it myself until the day the question was asked.
Yes I demanded productivity and blind zeal from my colleagues, but apparently something the person did forced me to amend my stipulations. Now besides productivity and blind zeal, I demand my colleagues to keep their promises. I’ve been living in this world for 21 years and did my part to earn some good karma to forget the evil things men do, but the only thing I won’t tolerate is broken promises. I’ve had enough of people breaking promises, big or small, that I will automatically give them a -50 each time they do it, and the value may vary according to the extent of the thing promised. And the value stacks. Doesn’t matter if they are strangers, close friends, loved ones or brothers-in-arms, I will get so pissed even for the littlest thing they promised but didn’t do. I value each individual’s word to the highest regards even over money and other Earthly materialism. Hence once unfulfilled I’ll always remember it and bring all my resentment caused by all the broken promises with me to fuel the fires of Hell. That is how valuable promises are to me. And this person even assured me with promises from the person’s heart. And the person blew it and forgot about the promise. That’s one big resentment and an automatic damnation from me for the whole semester until the person brought it up.
If you are reading this and have not yet consciously or unconsciously broken any promises with Ham (you’ll know it if you can detect it like the person above), then keep it up. A word not kept will be satisfied with another word not kept and bonus damnation from Hell.
Fortunately everything ended well. The person is my good comrade, and I learn to forgive after the person apologized for forgetting the promise. It was just that simple. Although I did not get what I was promised a semester ago, realizing about the pledge’s negligence and apologizing for it was enough to sooth my soul. I may still invest some hope in humanity and the world where words and honor endure.
1 comment:
hmm... i don't recalled myself promise u anything but didn't fulfilled on msn hoh? so may i assumed am not in the list?? hehe
Ur post on 'breaking promise' make me feel like writing a long 3000 essay comment but that's not a wise thing to do so i will try cut it short haha... To be frank, i share almost the exact same feeling as u have but i do react differently depend on what sort of promise it is, how much it matter to me, what mood am in at that time, who's the person and other condition that lead to her/his break of promise lah.
Unlike you am clear with what i like and hate and i tend to display that very obviously. Angeline can be annoyed by many things and people but there's seldom one that can make me feel the hatred. So once the person did success in making me hate him/her i will wipe his/her existence out of my life instantly and treat the person like a rubbish on the side of the road. This topic feel so 'fresh' to me cos a girl manage to get in my hate list. I never speak to her or greet her ever since. She's not my course mate anymore and she can never be.
As for the 'natural selection thingy' that u mention well we are count of "animal" in biology so it's natural for us to have that behavior i guess, which is what make us human, not saint. It's an important feature for a leader esp if u wanna success. I think the other term people use to call this behavior is "perfectionist". People who try to act like a saint will be saying 'am not like that' but the truth is everyone in some ways wants things to be perfect,to goes theirs ways. Just the degree of that demand differ us from the level of very cincai to aggressive.
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