Grandma

Back when I was young, between 2 to 5 years old, I was one foolhardy, somewhat naughty and adventurous boy. I rode my first bike with 4-5 of my cousins hitchhiking (on the bike) before crashing on the concrete of the construction site of my would be Sibu house you see today. I got a big cut on my lips which is still visible today. Of course upon seeing blood I cried and ran back to my home. The first person to comfort me was my grandma. She was cool and all, and her usual treatment for such wound is a dab of minyak kapak. Of course she wouldn't scold me furthermore since I learned my lesson the hard way. No point to add insult to injury.

Then back when I was around 10Kg(?) my grandma would babysit me at home while my parents were out working. She always carried me around while she helped to do the house chores. One day when she was cooking and carried me on her left arm. Out of curiosity I touched the wok when she was not looking and got a nasty blister on the top of my left ring finger. I didn't cry but sucked on it instead, and this led to me sucking my ring finger instead of my thumb like most kiddies. The blister is now a permanent lump of flesh still visible today.

And then there's the usual moments when kiddies cried and cried wanting for something, like what you see at toy stores or ice cream joint. I had my share too back then. And my grandma would 'disciplined' me with methods that is so stern, you will need to fork the information out from me personally. Th methods maybe harsh, but they made a soldier out of me.

Then as I grew older I got naturally less mischievous. So was my grandma, except the mischievous part. Somehow I see the trend of the elders minding their own business at home and the rest of the family will only meet and talk with them when it's lunch or dinner time. Sometimes it's just eating and no talking at all. Same case for me. After joining in the rat race upon entering school, I seemed to start minding my own business and give a formal report at dinner time. So indulged with homeworks and tuition, I was oblivious of the things around me. One day wen I was tying my shoe laces for school, I was WTFBBQed by my grandma lugging a big assed kanaan (it's a Melanau term for a big 1/2 human-sized vase for bonsais, bunga kertas etc as seen to the left). She's a guru in gardening and the house is filled with her greens. So lugging that kanaan from one side of the yard to the other really took determination, so much that she didn't need my help when I offered one. Perhaps because I was smaller sized than the kanaan then and I might become a gardening death toll instead of help. Such display of determination from an old frail woman gave me the drive you see in me today.

She was also the first to introduce to me the concept of racism and nationalism. Perhaps because she lived through the Japanese occupation in WWII, the communist era and the Malaysian-Indonesian Konfrontasi war in the 1960s. The experience from the conflicts gave rise to the sense of self-defense from outsiders, and even after the war it applied to people not native of Borneo. I used to think everyone is the same in kindergarten. By then end of primary school, I Iearned to appropriately use terms like tou keling (Malays), tou sinah (Chinese), tou balah (Ibans) and others. A few attributes (stereotyping) were applied to these races, and I gradually found them to be true overtime. Although sad, this is the very stereotyping culture that is still being practiced by many Malaysians until today. This is why strangers don't earn my trust easily. It may take a few good deeds to convince me they are good people who does not fall within the stereotyped category.

Despite teaching the fundamentals to racism, my grandma was perhaps the first few pioneers of 1Malaysia 70 years before the PM introduced the concept. So strong was her family values that it transcends skin colors. Being a Melanau who married to a Chinese, she also adopted a few other children and treat them with her own children equally. Back then, life was tough and families with big number of children (especially daughters) were given away to families willing to help adopt. My mom and aunties were amongst the few who were given away and adopted by my grandma. From there onwards the family did not see skin colors as long as the new members display strong family values. Hence you can see the tree to have a variety of branches ranging from Melanaus, Chinese, Indians, Malays, Japanese and Caucasians. This is why you see me easily mingling with individuals globally as they display their own family values from which I could learn and assimilate. We are all 1Family.

Again like I mentioned, once you enter the rat race you are busy and will worry about your face. It still happens until now in my university life. As I'm busy going about with my studies and the family busy with their own business, grandma would just simply sit at her rattan chair by the main door watching the cars and people pass by in front of my Sibu home in the afternoon before getting busy with dinner again. I don't know what she's thinking when she observed the passing time, but her deep and calm look told me that she has done her part and she can take a rest. For her, the routine will be the same all over again tomorrow with the gardening, sitting watching time pass by and then dinner all over again.

Rest in peace grandma. 1912-2005