I'm optimistic. Nose-bleed? Nah it's okay it's not deadly, here drink more water. You broke a leg? It's okay you can still talk and procreate, it's not like it's the end of the world. It's the end of the world? It's okay I'll meet you on Judgment Day and we'll talk about your leg, just miss call.
But for the past 21 years living on this temporary materialistic world called Earth, I became cynical of everything. Huh? He wants our help? Screw it, where was he when I needed help. What for should I help him or the next person asking for it if they'll just need me when they're going to get phucked? Sure I live up to my name, "the Generous" from time to time with charity and random free advices to friends, but I have yet received a single act of random kindness from the more fortunate to remind me I'm not alone in terms of giving back. Even getting 'thanks' or 'good morning' nowadays is rare from strangers and even from friends. Most are forced or have to be reminded. I got tired of it and have low expectations in humanity.
Combine those two together we get these:
Optimism (n.): A tendency to expect the best possible outcome or dwell on the most hopeful aspects of a situation: “There is a touch of optimism in every worry about one's own moral cleanliness” (Victoria Ocampo).
Cynic (n.): A person who believes all people are motivated by selfishness.
So I'm an optimistic cynic. Having ideologies where the worst SNAFU has a lighter side to make fun of and trust no-one 100% at all because of human's growing selfishness, they deserve it because they're selfish. That's why I seem indifferent in face of tragedy, and even more sien looking when it comes to people talking to me. This was carried on for a while and I ended up having the default 'I-have-issues' facial expression. I know most people would skim through blog posts despite your messy layouts and bad color combinations, because most will do that and then go back to their own blogs and make it prettier thinking others will come by and awed by it. That's my current optimistic cynic level right now. Aye caramba I really need some food for my soul before I get worse.
But for the past 21 years living on this temporary materialistic world called Earth, I became cynical of everything. Huh? He wants our help? Screw it, where was he when I needed help. What for should I help him or the next person asking for it if they'll just need me when they're going to get phucked? Sure I live up to my name, "the Generous" from time to time with charity and random free advices to friends, but I have yet received a single act of random kindness from the more fortunate to remind me I'm not alone in terms of giving back. Even getting 'thanks' or 'good morning' nowadays is rare from strangers and even from friends. Most are forced or have to be reminded. I got tired of it and have low expectations in humanity.
Combine those two together we get these:
Optimism (n.): A tendency to expect the best possible outcome or dwell on the most hopeful aspects of a situation: “There is a touch of optimism in every worry about one's own moral cleanliness” (Victoria Ocampo).
Cynic (n.): A person who believes all people are motivated by selfishness.
So I'm an optimistic cynic. Having ideologies where the worst SNAFU has a lighter side to make fun of and trust no-one 100% at all because of human's growing selfishness, they deserve it because they're selfish. That's why I seem indifferent in face of tragedy, and even more sien looking when it comes to people talking to me. This was carried on for a while and I ended up having the default 'I-have-issues' facial expression. I know most people would skim through blog posts despite your messy layouts and bad color combinations, because most will do that and then go back to their own blogs and make it prettier thinking others will come by and awed by it. That's my current optimistic cynic level right now. Aye caramba I really need some food for my soul before I get worse.
6 comments:
i won't called myself optimism, it's more to i didn't bother thinking about it but am 100% cynic person having experience way too many similar situation with you.
well at least im not alone, i was starting to think dat ppl will see me as the only gila anti-social person (ala some kinda doom bringer lol) if this goes one...
haha well i experience some really 'down' moment which i really need support and someone to be with me, my family is obviously 4000miles away from me, they can only call me and give some advices. That's the moment when you can see who's the true friend really, those who bother to keep in touch with me even when they went home country, those who willing to rush from their home to be with me in my unhappy moment and sadly the 'those' people are very very few. People always tend to 'keep in touch' with me during their assignment and exam period and seriously make me think why shud i bother with ur darn assignment, go read the book and do ur google by yourself.
Doing business degree esp everyone tend to go for different major after first year and choose to do different unit and at different semester so i really got a lot 'friend' that probably only last for a semester, the next time they contact me automatically is when they heard i done that unit and now they demand my aid in their assignment and seriously i finish exam i forgot everything, why would i go through all the trouble to dig out the old note and revise just to help them ah!! If they are one of the 'those' friend i would help
well very few ppl are going thru this kind of tough times, and sadly not many of your closed ones will understand you whenever you're down. Coz very few ppl like us when we are down, we reeeeallly are down to the point it doesnt matter it its End of the world edi. It's yet to be explained scientifically, but most will think we're just emo while they all are happy-happy here and there.
Then very few will feel obliged to comfort when the down time comes, and it is these ppl dat u can respect n trust, the ones dat is not in the selfish list... becoz it is these ppl who know that under the tough shell we portray, we are still mortal and need spiritual motivation from time to time...
I really hope you know u're not alone now... We've all been thru this, just look at me... how many true friends that turn out at the end of the day, is just the blessing, not the right or privilege...
Anyways, will be here for you dear.. hugs.. <3 mwuaxx!
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